Plastic Politics

national | politics / elections | opinion/analysis Thursday April 19, 2007 22:05 by Dónal Griffin

From Barbie to the Life of Brian, the Irish Political scene has become a myriad of inadequate Christmas presents.

A look at the plasticity of the Irish political scene in the run up to the general election.

When voters go the poll stations in Ireland sometime after May Day they will seemingly be met by many choices. In reality however, Irish politics has descended into an uninteresting tale of mediocrity.

The main parties have moulded themselves into a series of American style replica dolls. Whilst Fine Gael may have placed itself at the more elite end of the market, taking the role as Cindy in opposition to the market leader Barbie (Fianna Fáil), it cannot be denied that there is less consumer demand for their product and they are just as plastic, their warranty no where to be seen.

The ‘Labour’ Party has seemingly forgotten exactly what it stands for and currently finds itself in the role of Chad, denying an imminent liaison with Barbie who is still struggling with mixed emotions over long-term boyfriend Ken (PDs). In effect Irish Politics has become firmly entrenched in a marketplace where items are overpriced and differentiated only by the brand packaging. Quality of purchase appears secondary.

The interest in the Action Man figure of Sinn Féin has been on the rise but fancy coloured packaging that glows in the dark can only hold the interest of voters for so long. Consumers are never happy when they open up the box and find pieces missing, badly written instructions and that they were overcharged on their credit card in-store.

Of course there is always the opportunity to buy something environmentally friendly and plenty will, but the kids will be unexcited by the purchase and it’s never going to be a big seller. Bikes (Green Party) are great but motor bikes are better!

What happened to all the radical purchases in the past? When times were bad we always scrounged enough together to demand something ‘different’. Irish politics has plateaued to such an extent that consumers are beginning to stay at home, keeping their money in their pockets and wait for a rainy day.

The People’s Front of Judea (Socialist Party) will tell you that it’s overcast and its time to ready the raincoat whilst the Judean People’s Front (Socialist Worker’s Party) will tell you it’s already raining. Conversely the Popular Front (Communist Party) will tell you it’s been raining for some time … but nobody listens to splitters, do they?

So what do we do over the next number of months as the election ekes ever closer? Why go to the shop at all in May? Why not go to the beach, soak up the sun and ignore everything? Simple! If you purchase something you subsequently dislike then protest about the quality, about the durability, the longevity, the promises made on the box. How? Join the youth wing of your party and ask the difficult questions. The Orange Revolution in the Ukraine and the student protests in France have shown that youth remain a powerful stakeholder in Politics. Politics should be a buyers’ market not a sellers’. Start demanding what you want to see on the shelf come May!

©Dónal Griffin 2007